so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
