if i can run in heels then i can drive
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i only shaved half my leg
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"