im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He passed out mid-signature
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had sex on a roof
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
