Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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