:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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