are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.