i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea