Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!