ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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