you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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