seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize