his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm like, not good at living.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
