absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
