today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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