I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
