i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
