Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
worst night to have a conscience
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Randomize
