he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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