She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
