What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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