i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's blow job season.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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