Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
