im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
