ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
