I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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