your room smells of hookers.
And success
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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