I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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