I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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