I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So many bounce houses so little time
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
