we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
