we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
