If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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