i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
