I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
