I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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