Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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