Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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