I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
