if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
