Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
