My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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