Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
