Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
