I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
