i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
