Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's blow job season.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize