what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
