I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am available for nakedness
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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