my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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