If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm like, not good at living.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
