just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
