the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
