??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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