is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
