I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
