Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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