i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We need to get me chipped asap
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The adults are the big ones right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
