We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
