who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
