Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
