You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
