i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
