i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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