you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
