i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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