i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
