I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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