dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
