he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
