guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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