oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
