My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
