Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
