If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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