Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it glows. i had to have it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
FUCK WHALES
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